Uncut Gems (2019)
Howard Ratner: I know, I know. Jews and colon cancer. What's *is* that? I thought we were the chosen people.
[from trailer, in Gary's office]
Howard Ratner: So I want the Celtics to cover, I want the Celtics halftime, I want Garnett points and rebounds.
Gary: Whaddaya know?
Howard Ratner: I dunno, I just know.
Gary: Well I'll tell you what I know, it's the dumbest fuckin' bet I ever heard of.
Howard Ratner: [smiles with teeth] I disagree.
Howard Ratner: I disagree, Gary.
Howard Ratner: And who's this guy?
Julia: It's this guy The Weeknd.
Howard Ratner: What the fuck is The Weeknd?
Julia: He's gonna be major, even though he's from Canada.
Howard Ratner: This guy looks stupid.
Howard Ratner: Come on! KG. This is no different than that. This is me. All right? I'm not a fuckin' athlete, this is *my* fuckin' way. This is how *I* win. All right?
Howard Ratner: That's a million-dollar opal you're holding. Straight from the Ethiopian Jewish tribe. I mean this is old-school, Middle-earth shit.
Howard Ratner: It's fuckin' from stone to stone. Garnett's a stone, you know that.
Dinah Ratner: You know what, Howard?
Howard Ratner: [face-to-face] Say yes. What?
Dinah Ratner: I think you are the most annoying person I have ever met. I hate *being* with you, I hate *looking* at you... And if I had my way I would never - see you - again.
Howard Ratner: Made a crazy risk. You gamble and it's - about to pay off.
Gooey: This is uh A - KG, anh?
Howard Ratner: Aw. Three for eleven? What the fuck?
Gooey: Yeah, he looks tortured.
Howard Ratner: That fuckin' guy tried to steal an opal from me.
Gooey: Your opal? Your opal came?
Howard Ratner: My opal came, yeah.
Howard Ratner: Yeah, and stupidly I lend it to this motherfucker.
Gooey: Whaddya mean? He took it, he stole it?
Howard Ratner: He didn't steal it, he got carried away. He thinks it has magic powers.
Noah: Magic powers?
[Gooey laughs heartily]
Howard Ratner: Look. Look at him tonight, without it. He didn't have it tonight, look how fuckin' bad he played. He s- - He wants to own it. So, I tell him come to the auction and fuckin' make a bid for it, like everyone else.
Kevin Garnett: Let me get the fuckin' opal, man. Let me get the fuck up outta here.
Howard Ratner: This opal...
Kevin Garnett: Yeah.
Howard Ratner: This opal's very valuable for you.
Kevin Garnett: Absolutely.
Howard Ratner: OK? I did that.
Kevin Garnett: [mutters] Come on, get the fuck out...
Howard Ratner: I, I respect you. I respect your passion. OK?, I always have.
Kevin Garnett: I thought you was a fan, too, man.
Howard Ratner: I'm a fuckin' HUGE fan!
Kevin Garnett: What did you pay for this? Real shit, what did you pay for this right here?
Howard Ratner: That's not a fair question, Kevin! All right? This uh - We're talkin' months and months of fuckin' - my time!
Kevin Garnett: You're not gon' take the money back when I did the deal now, I'm just sayin', straight up. Straight up, me and you, mano a mano. How much you pay for this?
Howard Ratner: Fuckin' ah - What I pay? I paid a uh... That's, this is, that's... I'm tellin' ya, if I answer that question it's very misleading.
Kevin Garnett: Why?
Howard Ratner: It's - I paid a hundred grand, OK?
Kevin Garnett: So - you doubled your money.
Howard Ratner: I'M the joke here, all right? I got fucked! A million dollars is what I was supposed to get! I get a fuckin' what? Made sixty-five G's?
Demany: And what the fuck is it wit' you Jewish niggas and basketball anyway? 'Uh? Shucks.
Howard Ratner: I'll have you know the first two points scored in the NBA was a Jew.
Demany: Yeah, yeah, who what, Fred Flintstein?
Howard Ratner: No. Ossie Schectman, 1946, played for the Knicks.
High Roller: [rapidly] Last year I made 125 million dollars. I don't even know what to do with my money anymore. I have nobody to spend it with, nobody to enjoy my life with anymore. It's horrible! Today is the big day for me. I met you, you're hot! You wanna have a drink when we get there?
Howard Ratner: That's your fault!
[hits Coach Rivers on the TV screen; speaking loudly:]
Howard Ratner: You see that other guy though, Phil? One'a your boys from Boston? You had some boys in Boston? You'll see what I'm talkin' - hang on! This fucker? Is that one'a your boys, that fat fuck? Looks like you. Looks like one'a your boys.
Eddie Ratner: Who's the girl livin' in your apartment?
Howard Ratner: What'd you say?
Eddie Ratner: Yeah! That guy told me there's some hot chick livin' in your apartment. Who is that - Mom?
Howard Ratner: What are you doin' talkin' to that cokehead?
Eddie Ratner: He was talkin'!...
Howard Ratner: I told you to go in there and take a shit! That was it! Get on the elevator! Enough already.
Howard Ratner: Don't... Don't talk about that to anybody.
Howard Ratner: Arno. Listen. No bullshit... Kevin Garnett is comin' to my office right now. With $175,000 cash. All right? You say I got till Monday? Today is still Monday, so. I don't know if you're hearin' this but Arno this is real. Kevin's really on the way. He was just at the bank. Come get your money, buddy. I need the Celtic ring back.
Steve Bronstein: What happened to Friday?
Howard Ratner: I know. I know.
Steve Bronstein: It's Monday, Howard.
Howard Ratner: I know what we said.
Steve Bronstein: What'd we say?
Howard Ratner: It was a short week, Pesach...
Steve Bronstein: What happened to your face?
Howard Ratner: Car accident. 'K? So...
Steve Bronstein: Whaddya need?
Howard Ratner: I need the Celtic ring, and then I give ya the Knicks ring. All right? You know what that means to me. Swap 'em out, please.
Steve Bronstein: You've had this Knicks ring forever.
Howard Ratner: I just need the Celtic ring back. All right?
Steve Bronstein: No...
Howard Ratner: Whadda you wanna do?
Steve Bronstein: No...
Howard Ratner: Whadda you wanna do?
Steve Bronstein: I own that ring. Right now.
Howard Ratner: I know. I know you do, and I'm...
Steve Bronstein: So, I'll swap you the two rings but I'm gonna put a fifteen percent vig on this one. And if you're not here by Friday it's gonna be the same thing all over again, you're not gonna have a third one.
Howard Ratner: You're not gonna have to worry about that, I make it a sixteen percent. I'm sorry I fucked ya. But I...
Steve Bronstein: Bubi, what's goin' on? You okay?
Howard Ratner: I'm - very good. Everything is goin' good.
Steve Bronstein: Yeah.
Howard Ratner: I promise you. I promise you.
Doc Rivers: [hoarsely] I need everyone in here - to lock in - KG! *Look* at KG! Remember this: If you wanna go quickly, do it alone. But if ya wanna go far, you do it - together. We're like roaches! And you can't kill us.
Marcel Ratner: Anyway, I'll finish the conversation later, but it was literally so awkward? Like...
Howard Ratner: So who you talkin' to?
Marcel Ratner: Jessica.
Howard Ratner: Hi, Jessica! How good was our girl tonight?
Marcel Ratner: You can't hear her.
Howard Ratner: OK. Well then - Just, just hang up for a sec. Lemme, lemme talk to you. Two secs.
Marcel Ratner: I'll call you back. What?
Howard Ratner: Well... I just I was very proud of you tonight. You were beyond incredible.
Marcel Ratner: Yeah, you told me like five times already.
Howard Ratner: Well I just wanted... You really, really didn't know how proud I was, OK? So I really, I just really really want you to know.
Marcel Ratner: 'K, well, I do.
Howard Ratner: Everything is cool, right?
Marcel Ratner: Whadda you mean?
Howard Ratner: I don't know. I just - thought I would check in with you.
Marcel Ratner: OK.
Howard Ratner: Make sure everything's good.
Marcel Ratner: Why wouldn't I be good?
Howard Ratner: I don't know, I just thought I'd check in.
Marcel Ratner: OK, well - I really don't know what you're talking about, so.
Howard Ratner: That's right. Because I'm an idiot. So you love me. OK, I'm gonna get into the city? Yeah! I'll see you in the mornin'.
Marcel Ratner: Have fun.
Howard Ratner: Like I always do.
Marcel Ratner: Anyway. Where was I? You know I was like a complete rusting veg face? So...