Yu-Gi-Oh! 3D: Bonds Beyond Time Abridged (2011 TV Movie)
Crow Hogan: Hey, isn't that Pegasus the creator of Duel Monsters? Yeah, and next to him is Yugi Moto, the King of Card Games!
Yusei Fudo: What the hell is wrong with his hair?
Jack Atlas: Yugi Moto? He was the greatest duelist who ever lived!
Yusei Fudo: It says here that he died a virgin and his last words were "Oh God, I've wasted my life".
Jack Atlas: The greatest duelist who ever lived. I love him.
Paradox: Oh pwease! You may be the King of Games in your timeline but where I come from Duel Monsters have evolve far beyond your understanding. Compared to me you are just a learner.
Yami Yugi: That may be the case in your timeline, Paradox. But then we're not in your timeline, are we?
Yami Yugi: And where I come from Duel Monsters is still a broken, exploitable mess of a game. And I'm about to exploit the hell out of it!
Yusei Fudo: Wait. Look! It's him!
Jack Atlas: You found Waldo?
Yusei Fudo: It's the guy who stole my card!
Jack Atlas: Waldo stole your card?
Yusei Fudo: Jack.
Jack Atlas: Yusei!
Yusei Fudo: No.
Jack Atlas: 'Kay!
Yami Yugi: Hm. The entire world or card games. Tough choice.
Yusei Fudo: There is no choice. Without card games, this world isn't worth living in.
Announcer #1: Welcome everyone, to the grand unveiling of a bunch of lame new trading cards. Here to introduce our host, Pirate Hitler!
Pirate Hitler: [speaking rapidly] I shall send ze Jews straight to Davy Jones' locker! Heil Blackbeard!
Yugi Moto: I love Pirate Hitler! He always makes me laugh.
Jaden Yuki: My name's Jaden Yuki, and I'm absolutely flawless.
Yusei Fudo: Stop being happy.
Jaden Yuki: Ain't no one in the world as fly as me.
Yusei Fudo: I'm serious. Stop it.
Jaden Yuki: Bitches line up just to get a glimpse at my sweet moves.
Yusei Fudo: I'm going to tear the happy right out of your soul.
Jaden Yuki: Come on homie, don't be a playa hater.
Yusei Fudo: I'm not a player hater. I just hate you.
Yugi Moto: Now all we need to do is create a distraction.
Marik Ishtar: [on stage] Greeting, fools, it is I! Marik Ishtar! And I am here to enslave all of you with my-
[gets blown up by a fireball]
Marik Ishtar: Ah!
Lyman Banner: Good luck everyone. I will be up here if you need an Asian guy. I'm Asian.
Paradox: Pwotagonists! I challenge you to a card game!
Yusei Fudo: You mean the thing that's going to destroy the world?
Paradox: Yes! That.
Yusei Fudo: Seems kind of hypocritical.
Cybernetic Ghost: And that is the story of how Jaden, Yugi and Yusei saved the world.
Seto Kaiba: So why wasn't I in the movie?
Cybernetic Ghost: What movie?
Seto Kaiba: The one you just described to me.
Cybernetic Ghost: Oh. Right. Um. You were not in the movie because you were never born.
Seto Kaiba: Yeah. Because I'm a robot, right?
Cybernetic Ghost: No. As it turns out, you do have a father. And it's me!
Seto Kaiba: Yeah. You're full of crap.
Cybernetic Ghost: I love you too, son.
3-D Announcer: We at Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged would like to apologize for the lack of 3D content in this movie. However, we would like to think this is totally justified since 3D is bullsh*t and adds absolutely nothing to the cinema experience. So please, enjoy your 2D movie, because it's cheaper and much less obnoxious.
Paradox: Very well, Yu-Gi-Oh Pwotagonists! Let's see how you like things, in the Mawific World!
Jaden Yuki: Actually, this isn't so bad!
Yusei Fudo: It's actually kind of pretty here.
Yami Yugi: Makes a nice change from the Shadow Realm, that's for sure.
Paradox: Stop that! It is suppose to be thweatening!
Yami Yugi: Look at all the pretty lights!
Paradox: Stop being impwessed by the Mawific World!
Yugi Moto: He always loved falling buildings, but only when they were falling on other people.
Yugi Moto: Grandpa!
Yugi Moto: Can I have my Oscar now?
Paradox: Ha haha! Ha haha haha! Once again, Pwotagonist, you see there is nothing you possess that I cannot take...
Yugi Moto: Hey, f**k you, man! I'm trying to win an Oscar!
Paradox: You stupid pwotagonist. I am not trying to destwoy the world, I am twying to save it.
Yusei Fudo: Not if we can stop you-wait what?
Paradox: In the future, the world as we know it has been destroyed. Humanity's ignorance has caused the planet to become... wavaged and wifeless.
Yami Yugi: Wavaged and wifeless?
Jaden Yuki: But how? Was it Global Warming?
Yusei Fudo: Nuclear war?
Paradox: No, none of those things happened. What destwoyed the world was... Caaaarrrrd Gaaaames...
Yusei Fudo: What?
Paradox: That is wight, Caaaarrrrd Gaaaames...
Yusei Fudo: You're serious?
Paradox: Yes, vewwwwwwy
Yusei Fudo: How?
Yusei Fudo: How did card games destroy the world?
Paradox: Well, I was not actually there. But I heard that somebody pwayed a card game. And then boom! End of the world. It totally happened. Just like I said. Just card game - Boom! Evewyone dead.
Jaden Yuki: Dang son! That is one awesome motorbike you have...
Yusei Fudo: You're not riding it.
Jaden Yuki: Worth a shot.
Crow Hogan: Why did he even take your card in the first place?
Yusei Fudo: Probably to humiliate me in front of my girlfriend.
Aki Izayoi: Oh, don't be silly, Yusei! You know I'd never be embarrassed...
Yusei Fudo: For the last time, I'm dating a motorcycle!
Aki Izayoi: But why date a motorcycle when you could have me?
Yusei Fudo: Tell her, Jack.
Jack Atlas: Girls are smelly!
Yusei Fudo: He's right. They are.
Jack Atlas: Yusei! Whip out your junk!
Yusei Fudo: What?
Jack Atlas: Warrior! Your junk warrior!
Jack Atlas: [a few seconds later] Good! Now whip out your junk and wave it at him!
Yusei Fudo: What?
Jack Atlas: Warrior!
Yami Yugi: Now Yusei, I should point out that this card game is not going to take place on a motorcycle. I hope you understand that. I don't want you to try to- ride on your duel disk or something. We're just going to be standing firmly on the ground...
Yusei Fudo: I know how to duel.
Yami Yugi: Well, okay then.
Jaden Yuki: Can I ride your bike?
Yusei Fudo: I already told you, no!
Jaden Yuki: Oh come on, it'll be fun!
Yusei Fudo: I'll let you ride my bike if you can tell me one thing.
Jaden Yuki: Sure, ask away.
Yusei Fudo: Why are we in Venice?
Jaden Yuki: [after a pause] F**k it... you win!
Yusei Fudo: Always do...
Maximillion Pegasus: [singing] Welcome all you foolish nerds. To the gayest spectacle in the world! I'm making a cameo in this movie. I look much more fabulous in 3D!
Yami Yugi: Huh... I think we may have just killed a man...
Yusei Fudo: If anyone asks, Jaden did it.
Jaden Yuki: Yeah- wait, what?
Yusei Fudo: You can be my wingman anytime, Yugi.
Yami Yugi: No Yusei, you can be mine.
[romantic saxophone music starts playing]
Yusei Fudo: No Homo, right?
Yami Yugi: ALL OF THE HOMO!
Dark Magician Girl: Hey, Dark Magician, how come we can talk in this movie?
Dark Magician: A wizard did it.
Jack Atlas: That guy stole your Stardust Dragon card! What a dick! I mean I know I did that in season one, but... he's a dick!
Jaden Yuki: Check it out, dawgs! My Neos card came back! It must be because we went back in time!
Yusei Fudo: That is not how time travel works.
Jaden Yuki: Well how else do you explain it?
Yusei Fudo: Obviously this movie has its head up its own anus.
Yugi Moto: Well that answers pretty much every question I had.
Jaden Yuki: Oh my God!
Yusei Fudo: Is that woman doing what I think she's doing?
Jaden Yuki: I forgot I bookmarked "2 Dark Magician Girls, 1 Pot of Greed".
Paradox: I am here for the one who destwoyed the futuwe.
Jaden Yuki: Look there must be some kind of mistake. I'm Jaden Yuki.
Paradox: Yes that is wight.
Jaden Yuki: But I'm harmless! I couldn't destroy anything!
Paradox: Cowwection! I think that you'll find that you destwoyed Yu-Gi-Oh's cwedibility!
Yugi Moto: That bastard! I can't forgive him. Not after he sent my grandpa to the Shadow Realm.
Yusei Fudo: The what realm?
Yugi Moto: You know. The Shadow Realm. The big purpley cloudy place that you go to when something really bad happens to you.
Jaden Yuki: I think you're talking about Hell.
Yugi Moto: No, it's the Shadow Realm. You know whenever people fall from a really tall building... or... they get stabbed in the chest, they go straight to the Shadow Realm. What? You guys don't have the Shadow Realm in the future?
Yusei Fudo: I don't think that's a real thing.
Yugi Moto: So wait. Is my Grandpa... really dead?
Jaden Yuki: 'Fraid so, broseph.
Yugi Moto: I thought this was supposed to be a kid's movie!
Jaden Yuki: I go to a kickass school that teaches us how to play trading cards! We get to sleep on warm comfortable beds and get served food whenever we want... awww it's a good life!
Yusei Fudo: Well, just look at all the f**ks I give!
Yusei Fudo: Jack.
Jack Atlas: [in extremely loud voice] Yusei!
Yusei Fudo: There's something you should know.
Jack Atlas: What is it, Yusei?
Yusei Fudo: Card games on motorcycles.
Jack Atlas: What?
Yusei Fudo: I said, card games on motorcycles.
Jack Atlas: I beg your pardon?
Yusei Fudo: I said, card games on motorcycles!
Jack Atlas: What the hell is a motorcycle?
Yusei Fudo: You're kidding, right?
Jack Atlas: Hey, Crow! Do you have any idea what a motorcycle is?
Crow Hogan: Can't say that I do, Jack.
Jack Atlas: Yeah. We don't know what that is.
Yusei Fudo: But we ride them all the time. It's our trademark.
Jack Atlas: Why would we do that?
Yusei Fudo: So that we can play card games on them.
Jack Atlas: That sounds stupid.
Yusei Fudo: Jack, you're scaring me.
Jack Atlas: Come on, Crow! Let's go play a card game, while standing completely still...
Jack Atlas: [his voice becomes deeper with each word] On. The. GROUND.
Yusei Fudo: [slow-motion voice] NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Yusei Fudo: [Yusei wakes up in his sleeping bag] GAHUH! Oh, thank God.