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"Community" Investigative Journalism (TV Episode 2010) Poster

(TV Series)

(2010)

Quotes

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Britta Perry: Guys! Guys, let's take a vote.

Abed: Secret vote. Everybody cover your eyes.

Annie Edison: We won't know the results.

Abed: Well, say your vote out loud.

Shirley Bennett: We'll know each other's voices.

Pierce Hawthorne: Troy's got a point.

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Jeff Winger: Annie's pretty young. We try not to sexualize her.

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Annie Edison: You expect me to watch you do that without telling on you?

Jeff Winger: That's a hard-hitting question, Annie. Are you a reporter?

Annie Edison: No, they've got me editing the crossword because I'm a girl. And because I love crosswords!

Jeff Winger: Well, now you love the streets. You're my ace news hound.

Annie Edison: Ace? You can do that?

Jeff Winger: We can do anything we want. It's Greendale. Now go find me that story.

[Annie leaves]

Abed: This character reboot is really gelling for you, Jeff. That was all classic Hawkeye. Sending soldiers out for liquor. Slyly sidestepping the problematic scrutiny of Annie "Hotlips" Edison. I should build you a still for making Hawkeye martinis.

Jeff Winger: Of all your pop culture fixations, this is one I can work with, Abed.

Abed: Call me Radar?

Jeff Winger: When you've earned it.

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Jeff Winger: No, it's fine. It's fine. it's just a little... little nosebleed. I get them when it's dry and when my face gets kicked.

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Jeff Winger: Who are you kidding, Abed? I just dragged a screaming, crying man out of a library with his pants down. No. Martinis are for Hawkeyes. I'm the same uptight jerk I was last semester.

Abed: Jeff, what's your favorite episode of M*A*S*H?

Jeff Winger: The one with, uh... the army.

Abed: That's what I thought. If you'd ever actually seen the show, you'd know that Hawkeye didn't just bed nurses and drink martinis. He also had blood sprayed on his face and barked orders when the choppers came in. If he didn't, people died. He was a leader, Jeff. That's your job.

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Pierce Hawthorne: [Wearing a "World's Greatest Grandpa" t-shirt] Guess what happened to me.

Annie Edison: Oh, Pierce, you became a grandfather?

Pierce Hawthorne: No, I became even cooler. These ironic t-shirts are all the rage.

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Jeff Winger: You know what you guys sound like? Me last semester.

[Points at Annie]

Jeff Winger: Cynical...

[Points at Shirley]

Jeff Winger: ... elitist...

[Points at Abed]

Jeff Winger: ... rakishly good-looking.

Abed: Thanks.

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Britta Perry: Vacations are wasted on the young. You guys gotta get out there and see the world at some point, or you're gonna miss your entire lives.

Annie Edison: Where did you go, Britta?

Britta Perry: Amsterdam, I think. I'll know more when I find my camera.

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Buddy: [while watching Britta and Annie wrestle] I don't even care who wins.

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Abed: Oh, you made me so happy I just peed a little.

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Jeff Winger: [Looking at the Editor's desk] This is the first desk I've seen in 6 months that doesn't have 'Zeppelin Rules' carved into it.

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Buddy: Britta cheated? Why?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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