Will Schuester : Listen, I gotta run. I've got an appointment to show my apartment.
April Rhodes : What's this now.
Will Schuester : Yeah, so... I need to rent out my apartment and find a smaller place to live... uh... because I'm getting a divorce.
April Rhodes : Divorce! So you're free to date? And by "date," I mean sleep with people, and by "sleep with," I mean have sex with people - people like me! Kidding. Not really.
Will Schuester : I don't know what to say.
April Rhodes : Just say congratulations. I took your advice. I went home, I told Buddy that if he wanted to keep me around, he had to ditch the old lady and give yours truly the top job. And then he died.
April Rhodes : One of his eyes went all funny and he had a stroke right in front of me.
Will Schuester : Jeez, April, are you okay?
April Rhodes : Okay? I'm rich. The old battle ax was afraid I'd go to the Lima Times, so she shut me up to the tune of $2 million. So I'm sobering up and I'm heading to the Broadway, Will. I haven't had a drink in forty-five minutes.
Will Schuester : Sue! We need to talk. The auditorium is padlocked!
Sue Sylvester : Well, that's curious. Did you check the sign-up sheet?
Will Schuester : What sign-up sheet?
Sue Sylvester : [pulling it out] Why, the one I keep right here in my waistband, William. Let's see. Yeah, I've got the entire week booked solid. Got a big magazine feature coming up. It's a little chilly for my girls to be praciticing outdoors.
Will Schuester : Yeah? Well, let's see what Figgins has to say about this.
Sue Sylvester : Oh, I'm sure Figgins will just mumble something nervously and then pretend to take a phone call. I happen to be blackmailing him.