Tropic Thunder (2008)
Brandon T. Jackson: Alpa Chino - Hot LZ
[Jeff, Kirk, and Kevin have just learned Alpa is gay]
Jeff Portnoy : [Tied to a tree and going through cocaine withdrawals] Alpa, if you untie me, I will literally suck your dick, right now.
Alpa Chino : Man, I told you for the last time, I love tha pussy!
Jeff Portnoy : I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, work the pipe, and swallow the gravy. Get it over here, buddy. Let's do this.
Alpa Chino : No, I always wanted to. I guess I just never had the courage to ask. It's complicated.
Kirk Lazarus : Nah! It's simple as pie man: you plant your feet on the ground, you look her square in the eyes you say "Hey! baby, you and me's goin' on a date, that's the end of the story". What's her name?
Alpa Chino : ...Lance
Kirk Lazarus : You say 'Listen here, Lance'... Lance? What the fuck did I just hear? Lance?
Kevin Sandusky : Did you just say Lance?
Alpa Chino : No! I said Nance. That's what I said, Nance.
Kevin Sandusky : It sounded like Lance.
Alpa Chino : Dammit, I'm Alpa Chino! 'I Love Tha Pussy', aight? Lay yo ass back down and look at the stars.
Kirk Lazarus : When you wrote 'I Love Tha Pussy', was you thinking about danglin your dice on Lance's forehead?
Alpa Chino : And why am I in this movie? Maybe it's because I just knew I had to represent, because they had one good part in here for a black man and they gave it to Crocodile Dundee!
Kirk Lazarus : Pump your brakes, kid. That man's a national treasure.
Alpa Chino : I just wanted to thrown another shrimp on your barbie!
Kirk Lazarus : That shit ain't funny.
Kevin Sandusky : Hey, fellas... it's hot! We're tired! It stinks!
Alpa Chino : I ain't fuckin' with you, Kangaroo Jack. I'm sorry the dingo ate your baby!
Kirk Lazarus : You know that's a true story? Lady lost a kid. You're about to cross some fuckin' lines.
Kevin Sandusky : Guys, relax!
Alpa Chino : You know what? Fuck that, man! I'm sick of this koala-huntin' nigga tellin' me-
[is cut off as Lazarus slaps him; goes to punch back]
Kirk Lazarus : [blocking the punch and pulling Alpa into an embrace] For four hundred years, that word has kept us down.
Alpa Chino : What the fuck?
Kirk Lazarus : Took a whole lotta tryin' just to get up that hill. Now we're up in the big leagues, gettin' our turn at bat. As long as we live, it's you and me, baby...
Alpa Chino : [pulling away] That's the theme song to The Jeffersons. Man, you really need help.
Kirk Lazarus : Just because it's a theme song don't mean it's not true.
Kevin Sandusky : There's no way we make it over that ridge before sundown.
Kirk Lazarus : All right fellas, we're gonna make camp, rest up. Y'all might be in for a treat. You know back before the war broke out I was a saucier in San Antone. I bet I could collar up some of them greens, yeah, some crawfish out the paddy, yo'! Ha! I'm makin' some crabapples for dessert now, yo! Hell yeah, ha!
Alpa Chino : [mocking Kirk] Hell yeah! Ha! That's how we all talk? We all talk like dis, "suh"? Yes suh, ha! Yeah mmm-hmm get some crawfish, and some ribs, ha! Ye-aah. You're Australian! Be Australian! Excuse me, Kangaroo Jack!
[hops away like a kangaroo]
Kirk Lazarus : [confused] I get excited about my foods, man.
Alpa Chino : [Cody and Four-Leaf are tied to a post] What're you guys doing here?
Cody : He has hands!
Four Leaf Tayback : He killed Damien!
Cody : Bullshit!
Four Leaf Tayback : He blinded Jamie Lee Curtis!
Cody : Almost!
Alpa Chino : What're you talking about? Damien stepped on an old land mine.
Cody : Oh, sweet, thank God!
Alpa Chino : And why am I in this movie? Maybe I just knew I had to represent, because they had one good part in it for a black man and they gave it to Crocodile Dundee.
Kirk Lazarus : Pump your brakes, kid. That man is a national treasure.
Alpa Chino : I just wanted to throw another shrimp on your Barbie.
Kirk Lazarus : That shit ain't funny.
Kevin Sandusky : Hey, fellas! It's hot! We're tired! It stinks!
Alpa Chino : I'm just fucking with you, Kangaroo Jack! I'm sorry a dingo ate your baby.
Kirk Lazarus : You know that's a true story? Lady lost her kid.
Alpa Chino : [slaps Lazarus] Told you I'd tag you back.
Kirk Lazarus : Can I tell you I'm sorry for any offense I might've caused, man? I just got caught up in bein'...
Alpa Chino : In bein' a dumbass?
Kirk Lazarus : I guess so.
Alpa Chino : Why you still doin' the chicken-George shit? I have no idea.
Kirk Lazarus : Neither do I.
Alpa Chino : It's beyond me.
Kirk Lazarus : It's beyond me.
Alpa Chino : You confused.
Kirk Lazarus : I am a little confused.
Alpa Chino : I know.
Kirk Lazarus : [after a long pause] But are we cool?
Alpa Chino : Not really.
Alpa Chino : What the hell? That was a *bat*, man!
Kevin Sandusky : Alpa, do you have any Booty Sweat?
Kirk Lazarus : Yeah, get him chugging on some of Alpa's ass water. That'll bring him around. It's a cure-all. Man, what you coming out in movies for anyway? Did you need another revenue stream?
Alpa Chino : For your information, my revenue stream currently generates U$2 million a year in charitable contributions for my community.
Kirk Lazarus : Hot damn!
Jeff Portnoy : [experiencing drug withdrawal] Oh, God! It's cold! It's freezing. I'm fucking cold.
Alpa Chino : You want my flak jacket?
Jeff Portnoy : What, are you insane? It's boiling! It's like a sweat lodge out here!
Kirk Lazarus : Keep the volume down on that bitching, Flatch Adams.
Jeff Portnoy : I gotta take a fucking 12-pound shit!
Jeff Portnoy : [as Fats] Our asses don't get fragged in this bullshit valley, first thing I'm doin' is payin' my two bucks so I can watch Brooklyn bust his cherry on a sweet little mama son's dinky-down poon-tang!
Alpa Chino : Shit, Brooklyn be bagged and tagged fuckin' the cootchie. He die, he probably die a cootchless motha fucka! hahaha!