Dennis Finch: All I need is your social security card and your mother's maiden name.
Elliot DiMauro: Here. My mother's maiden name is DiMauro.
Dennis Finch: Wait, her married name is DiMauro.
Elliot DiMauro: I know... What? A lot of people marry their second cousins.
Dennis Finch: Uh-huh. That would explain that freakish head of yours.
Nina Van Horn: [seeing "Nina Man Horn"] Will the me who is not a hallucination please raise her hand. Well, as long as there's one me here, I'm going home.
Nina Van Horn: Let me be sure I got this straight: you're a grown man who spends all his free time and energy imitating women and prance around for the amusement of others?
Robert 'Nina Man Horn': Uh-huh.
Nina Van Horn: Yes! I am a gay icon!
Nina Van Horn: I just came from the hairdresser. How does it look?
Dennis Finch: I didn't know the Westminster Show was in town.
Nina Van Horn: Little tip, never tell describe your hairdresser's new pants with the words "very fat".
Vicki Costa: You know, I used to do hair. Maybe I could have a try at your hair.
Nina Van Horn: Vicki, you were probably the best at Super Hair Cuts, but I wouldn't let you touch my hair.
Kevin Liotta: I'll do it, if I get to keep the hair.
Nina Van Horn: Vicki, you're the girl for me. And did I tell you that your pants make your ass look glorious?
Kevin Liotta: Thanks. I've been jumping rope.
Nina Van Horn: You're like the daughter with a penis I never had.
Vicki Costa: You probably think I'm crazy.
Maya Gallo: Not really. I have a secret fantasy that I was a federal agent. I even have a code name: Agent M. I'd be the first in the room, and I would be all, "Freeze, sucka! This is a raid!"
[Nina runs out of her office and slides to a stop]
Nina Van Horn: Don't you ever do that again!