Cheers (1982–1993)
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A House Is Not a Home 

Diane finds the perfect house for her and Sam to buy. An elderly couple, Bert and Lillian Miller, currently live there and have for forty years. After hearing the Miller's stories of life ... See full summary »


James Burrows


Glen Charles (created by), Les Charles (created by) | 2 more credits »


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Episode cast overview:
Ted Danson ... Sam Malone
Shelley Long ... Diane Chambers
Rhea Perlman ... Carla Tortelli
John Ratzenberger ... Cliff Clavin
Woody Harrelson ... Woody Boyd
Kelsey Grammer ... Dr. Frasier Crane
George Wendt ... Norm Peterson
Billie Bird ... Lillian Miller
Douglas Seale ... Bert Miller
Stephanie Walski Stephanie Walski ... Naomi
Marc Smollin Marc Smollin ... David
Stefanie Mason Stefanie Mason ... Annie
Lou Bonacki ... Man
Penny Krompier Penny Krompier ... Mom


Diane finds the perfect house for her and Sam to buy. An elderly couple, Bert and Lillian Miller, currently live there and have for forty years. After hearing the Miller's stories of life in that house, Diane no longer thinks that it is the perfect house for her since it is Bert and Lillian's emotionally. Based on a statement by the Millers that they will miss the Christmases the most, Frasier suggests that Sam and Diane give the Millers one last Christmas in the house to rid Diane and Sam of any guilt. Sam thinks it's a screwy idea, but it's just what Diane needs. Despite it being the heat of summer, Diane decides not to wait until December and to have Christmas come in the summer this year, at least for the Millers and their extended family. The summer Christmas party has an unintended effect both for the Millers and for Diane, but Sam decides he needs to take control of the situation which isn't totally under control until he sees dogs playing black jack. Written by Huggo

Plot Summary | Plot Synopsis


Comedy | Drama


TV-PG | See all certifications »

Did You Know?


This episode features guest actor, Douglas Seale, as Bert Miller, and Billie Bird, as his wife, Lillian Miller. In the story line for this episode, Sam and Diane celebrate Christmas with the Millers, with Sam posing as Santa Claus. The following year, Ernest Saves Christmas came out, with Douglas Seale playing Santa Claus and Billie Bird playing his love interest. See more »


Carla Tortelli: My life's the pits. Seems like good things happen to everybody except me, you know. Norm has a new job. Frasier actually seems happy since he met his creepy girlfriend. And Sam's given up women and decided to marry Diane. What have I got? Zip. Woody, I mean how do you keep such a sunny disposition in this rotten, stinkin', infested world?
Woody Boyd: You mean, what do I do when I see Mr. Blues peaking around the corner?
Carla Tortelli: God, he even has a cute name for depression.
Woody Boyd: Well, I just close my eyes and think a happy ...
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References A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) See more »


Frosty the Snowman
Written by Jack Rollins & Steve Nelson
Performed by the children of the episode cast
See more »

User Reviews

Diane's Base Stupidity
25 August 2019 | by HitchcocSee all my reviews

Diane's idiocy knows no bounds. She puts a down payment on a house without consulting Sam. Then when they go there, the old couple that sold it wants one more look. Diane decides that she could never live in a house with other people's memories around. A series of dramatic (but stupid) events take place.

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Release Date:

30 April 1987 (USA) See more »

Company Credits

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Technical Specs


Sound Mix:




Aspect Ratio:

1.33 : 1
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