Veronica Mars (2004– )
Jason Dohring: Logan Echolls
Dick Casablancas : [after Logan and Veronica walk into his house and all of his friends yell "surprise!"] Dude, what the hell are you doing? Please tell me this is like some reality show called "My Skank."
Logan : Goodbye, Dick.
Dick Casablancas : What?
Logan : Get out of my house. You have a problem with Veronica you leave. Actually you have a problem with Veronica, you're pretty much dead to me so just like evaporate or something, I don't know... That's kind of a general invitation. You don't like my girlfriend then... just start heading towards the rectangle with the knob.
Logan : F.Y.I.? If cuddling is the best part, he didn't do it right.
Veronica : I know I'm late. Sorry honey.
[gives Logan a peck on the cheek, whispers in his ear]
Veronica : So I talked to this guy on the phone, let me handle it, he's a bit prickly.
[they approach the desk]
Desk Manager : May I help you?
Veronica : You may. My fiancee and I are looking for a honeymoon suite.
Desk Manager : Oh how wonderful. These are our more affordable packages. The rooms run $350 for courtyard and $450 for full. On the weekends of course it's a two night minimum.
Veronica : Of course. Here's a little bit more what I had in mind.
[Veronica brings out a big wedding planner book and starts to flip through it as she shows off a big diamond ring]
Logan : [playing along] Wow, sugar puss, you've certainly been a busy little bee.
[Veronica and Logan share a fake laugh]
Logan : Oh, she's a keeper.
Logan : [standing in front of Veronica's car] Do you have any idea what your little joke cost me?
Veronica : Well, I'm pretty sure you won't be getting your bong back.
Logan : [smashes Veronica's headlights with a crowbar] Wrong answer. Would you care to guess again?
Veronica : Clearly your sense of humor...
Logan : I think we have a choice. I think we could take a tough, but survivable amount of pain now, or stay together and deal with unbearable pain later. So I vote for the pain now.
Veronica : I just don't want you to get your hopes up.
Logan : I'm not paying you to worry about my health, I'm paying you to follow leads.
Veronica : I wasn't aware you were paying me.
Logan : This isn't a favor. It's a job you know. We're not exchanging friendship bracelets.
Veronica : I'll stop braiding.
Rebecca James : You know it sounds like you blame Veronica.
Logan : No, Veronica was my friend too. If she hadn't ratted me out, then Lilly and I would have stayed together. And Lilly wouldn't have been alone that day. I would have been there. So yeah I blame Veronica... and I blame myself for being stupid and I blame Lilly for being a bitch that week.
Rebecca James : You know there is another way of looking at this, Logan. If you'd still been together, then you'd have been dead too.
Logan : And what is so great about living?
Logan : [arguing with Veronica] Well isn't it time that you found another bad guy? Look, I just don't... have time to be responsible for every little thing that goes wrong in your life!
Troy : Isn't this where we parked? Tell me that this isn't where we parked. Please, someone tell me that you can see my father's car and this heart attack I'm having now is for nothing.
Logan : I don't know. Maybe it's like Brigadoon. Come back in a hundred years and it'll be right back in this spot.
Mr. Tom Daniels : You know the glow of your father's wealth and celebrity may be enough to sustain you through high school, Mr. Echolls. But do you know what it will get you in the real world?
Logan : [puts his hands together and looks upward] Please say high school English teacher, please say high school English teacher.
Logan : I just can't take the begging. I'll relent, just once - but no cuddling after, and I won't call you in the morning.
Logan : Excellent. A bar so low we can step over it.
Logan : [to Weevil] If you're asking me to the prom again, the answer's still "no".
Mr. Tom Daniels : [walk in to find Weevil and Logan playing cards] Is this Reno or detention?
Logan : Can you believe the best of both.
Weevil : [Daniels takes away their cards] Oh, come on, man.
Logan : What the hell, we were playing a game here.
Mr. Tom Daniels : This is punishment gentlemen, not party time.
Logan : Well, that would explain the absence of balloon animals.
Trina : I've been kind of out of the loop lately, are you two...?
Logan : Stop! You shut up. You're wearing Mom's clothes, you're wearing Mom's hat.
Trina : She was your mom, my stepmom. The lady who liked to parade through the house in a string bikini whenever I had a boy over.
Logan : To be fair, when didn't you have a boy over.
Trina : Oh, you...
[she goes to pinch his cheek]
Logan : [he smacks her hand away] Dad could have used you there.
Trina : So now you're worried about Dad's welfare, isn't he the Big Bad Wolf. Cigarette burns and broken noses, oh, the stories you used to tell.
Logan : Wow, we should get together and do this more often.
Trina : Well, you're in luck, I'm headed home now. I guess some accountant finally cancelled Mom's cards.
Logan : But if you're coming home who will play "Dead Hooker Two" on "CSI" this week? How will you get your attention fix?
Trina : Maybe I can be the ring girl at one of your bum fights.
Logan : [about Veronica's car] Nice car. That must have been a *huge* cereal box.
[Veronica is trying to get a drunk Logan's keys]
Veronica : Come on, Logan just give me your keys. Leo, can you follow us in your car?
Logan : [giggling] No. No. No. No. Let's not have a party like it's 1999.
Logan : [points to Leo] Wait, who's this dude?
Veronica : As I have told you now three times, this is the friendly officer of the law who is going to overlook your underage public drunkenness.
Veronica : I love the smell of testosterone in the morning.
Logan : This is why I suggested attack dogs, but no, my mother wanted an Alpaca.
Veronica : My father sent me with paperwork for your mom.
Logan : You just wanted to say hi. I would have had my slam book out.
Veronica : I wanted to ask you about the game.
Logan : I've been meaning to ask you something. Does your super sleuth kit come with a decoder ring? Do you have a pen that writes with invisible ink? Never mind. Don't care. Mush! Mush!
Logan : FYI: if cuddling was the best part, he didn't do it right.
Logan : My day is complete. Veronica Mars has accused me of evil.
[Logan is playing solitaire]
Weevil : You know what I love, I love that I get a zero for talking. When you were the one talking to me. You get detention for dissing the teacher in front of everybody, I get detention for laughing. Let me ask you something man.
Logan : [looks upward] Is this detention or hell?
Weevil : How do you people not make yourself sick? It's like you walk on water in this school, for what? It's nothing that you do, I mean all that matters is who your parents are. And the zip code your mother shot you out in.
Logan : If I donate to the United Latino Pain-in-the-ass fund will you shut the hell up?
Weevil : You like playing with yourself?
Logan : Huh?
Weevil : Or do you want to make things interesting?
Logan : What did you have in mind?
Weevil : [cut to them playing poker] You're almost as bad as actor as your father.
Logan : You know that you don't need a diploma to steal hubcaps right? I mean why do you even show up here?
Weevil : I promise my grandmother.
Logan : Hmmm.
Weevil : I don't break my promises.
Logan : And I mean this, awwwwww.
Logan : Thoughts of me? Hey, I get it. Sometimes I'm up all night, just thinkin' about myself.
Logan : Hey, can Dick and Beaver come out to play?
Logan : Ah, see, I'm more of a purist. You know, less blood, more emotional distress. I'd rather see him locked in a room, padded, crapping himself in the corner. You know, he's an English teacher, he'd appreciate the poetic justice.
Logan : If you really want flowers, dying seems to be the way to go.
Logan : This is why I suggested attack dogs but no my mother wanted an alpaca.
Logan : [to Connor] Does the soap box come with the SAG card?
Logan : If I donate to the Latino Pain in the Ass Fund, will you shut the hell up?
Logan : But if you're coming home, who will play Dead Hooker #2 on CSI this week?