Kyle Gass: KG
Satan : I AM COMPLETE!
Satan : [singing] Yes you are fucked/Shit out of luck./Now I'm complete and my cock you will suck. This world shall be mine/ and you're first in line/You brought me the pick and now you shall both die!
JB : [singing] WAIT, Wait, wait, you motherfucker! We chalenge you to a rock-off! Give us one chance to rock your socks off!
Satan : FUCK! FUCK! Fuck! The demon code prevents me, from declining the rock off challenge. What are your terms? Whats the catch?
JB : [singing] If we win you must take your sorry ass back to hell, and also you will have to pay our rent!
Satan : And what if i win?
JB : Then you can take Kage back to hell...
KG : What?
JB : Trust me, Kage. It's the only way!
KG : What are you talking about?
JB : To be your little bitch!
Satan : Fine! Let the rock off begin!
Open Mic Host : [comforting Tenacious D] You guys, having some satanic guitar pick isn't gonna make your rock any better... because Satan's not in a guitar pick, he's inside all of us. In here
[taps their chests]
Open Mic Host : in your hearts. He's what makes us not want to go to work, or exercise, or tell the truth. He's what makes us want to party and have sex with each other all night long. He's that little voice in your mind that says "Fuck you" to the people you hate. Now you can stay out here and fight on the ground and cry like babies, or you can go in there like friends and rock. So, what's it gonna be?
KG : [determined] Let's go in there and show'em what Tenacious D is all about.
JB : Yeah. I already got a guitar pick anyways.
[holds up KG's pick]
JB : [Begins to vocalize. The microphone lights on fire and he knocks it over]
JB : I do not need...
KG : He does not need.
JB : A microphone...
KG : A microphone.
JB : My voice is fucking...
KG : Fucking.
JB : Powerful!
JB : [Begins to sing to crowd and moves hand in a slow passing motion. A powerful wind comes from his hands]
JB : [Begins to vocalize again and the man's head he is looking at explodes. He apologizes]
JB : I did not mean...
KG : He did not mean.
JB : To blow your mind...
KG : To blow your mind
JB : But that shit happens to me... all the time!
KG : Cock, use the cock.
JB : [looks out the window and sees a hot babe] WOW, check out that superfox.
KG : You think you can handle a woman like that?
JB : I think so.
KG : Well, you better know so. Cause there's gonna be then times hotter once backstage at the Kyle Gass Project.
JB : Really?
KG : [nods his head] Sex is a crucial component to the Kyle Gass Project. Now drop and give me one cock push-up.
JB : What's a cock push-up?
KG : [Repeats JB like he is supposed to know what it means] What's a cock push-up? A cock push-up my friend, is when you lay on your stomach, and lift yourself of the ground with nothing but your boner.
JB : No problem.
KG : The cock is a muscle, you gotta learn how to flex it. From now on I want you to do one cock push-up a day, everyday.
JB : It hurts my cock.
KG : Keep at it, you never know when you'll need to fuck your way out of a tight situation.
KG : Go ahead and sleep on the power couch. Your training begins tomorrow, at the crack of noon.
JB : Cause it's the Pick! Of Destiny child, you know I will be rockin' cause it's fucking insane! Cause it's the Pick! Of Destiny child, more precious than a diamond on a platinum chain!
JB , KG : In Venice Beach, there was a man named Kage When he was buskin he was all the rage. He met Jables and he taught him well, all the techniques that were developed in hell. Cock pushups and the power slide, gig simulation now theres nowhere to hide. They formed a band they named Tenacious D, and then they got the Pick of Destiny.
JB : Cause it's the Pick! Of Destiny child. You know I will be rockin' cause it's fucking insane! Cause it's the Pick! Of Destiny child, our tasty grooves are better than a chicken chow mein!
JB : The wizard and the demon had a battle royale, the demon almost killed him with an evil kapow, but then he broke his tooth and thus the demon said "OW"
JB : Cause he who's a geezer, must live in my freezer. And she who is starkey, is full of mularkey. And he who is groovy, must be in my movie, so come on! Oh! Cause if you're a diva, then go to Geneva. And if you're a crony, then suck on my bony. And if you are groovy, then get in my movie! It's called the Pick of Destiny! The Pick of Destiny.
KG : I'll have the fried chicken. And the steak... and the chicken-fried steak.
KG : [voicemail] Hey, you've reached KG. You know what to do.