Christina Applegate: Veronica Corningstone
Ron Burgundy : Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.
Veronica Corningstone : No, there's no way that's correct.
Ron Burgundy : I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.
Veronica Corningstone : Doesn't it mean Saint Diego?
Ron Burgundy : No. No.
Veronica Corningstone : No, that's - that's what it means. Really.
Ron Burgundy : Agree to disagree.
Ed Harken : Sweetheart, you and I have had this discussion a million times. There's never been a woman anchor.
Veronica Corningstone : Mr. Harken, this city needs its news. And you are going to deprive them of that because I have breasts? Exquisite breasts? Now, I am gonna go on, and if you want to try and stop me, bring it on. Because I am good at three things: Fighting, screwing, and reading the news. I've already done one of those today, so what's the other one gonna be? Huh?
Ed Harken : [thinks about it] Screwing?
Veronica Corningstone : My God, what is that smell? Oh.
Brian Fantana : That's the smell of desire my lady.
Veronica Corningstone : God no, it smells like, like a used diaper... filled with... Indian food. Oh, excuse me.
Brian Fantana : You know, desire smells like that to some people.
News Station Employee : [disgusted] What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.
News Station Employee : [horrified] Smells like Bigfoot's dick!
Brian Fantana : [tries to act casual and walk away] Whoa, what's that smell?
Ron Burgundy : [Ron is shirtless in his office and is doing arm curls with dumbbells] 1001... 1002... 1003...
Veronica Corningstone : Uh, Mr. Burgundy? Helen said that you needed to see me.
Ron Burgundy : Oh, Miss Corningstone. I wasn't expecting company. Just doing my workout. Tuesday's arms and back.
Veronica Corningstone : Well, you asked me to come by, sir.
Ron Burgundy : Oh, did I?
Veronica Corningstone : Yes.
Ron Burgundy : Ohh, it's the deep burn. Oh, it's so deep. Oh, I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many. I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand.
Veronica Corningstone : ...and that can be very distracting. Okay, so when we get to the pet shop...
Brick Tamland : [while coughing] Cough. Look over here.
Brick Tamland : Excuse me, Veronica?
Veronica Corningstone : Yes? What is it, Brick?
Brick Tamland : I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.
Veronica Corningstone : Excuse me?
Brick Tamland : [struggling] The... party. With the... with the pants. Party with pants?
Veronica Corningstone : Brick, are you saying that there's a party in your pants and that I'm invited?
Brick Tamland : That's it.
Veronica Corningstone : Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick?
Brick Tamland : No. Yes. He did.
Veronica Corningstone : Okay. No. I don't want to go to a party in your pants.
Brick Tamland : Very well. Ian, would you like to go to a party in my pants?
Ian : No, Brick.
Brick Tamland : All right. Let's go.
[runs off, there is a sound of crashing off screen]
Brick Tamland : It's all right. I'm all right.
Veronica Corningstone : Excuse me.
Ron Burgundy : What are you doing?
Veronica Corningstone : I need this machine so I can watch a tape for a story.
Ron Burgundy : I'm using the tape. I'm showing Jeffrey my Emmy tape. We are watching history.
Veronica Corningstone : Mr. Burgundy, I'm a professional, and I would like to be able to do my job.
Ron Burgundy : Big deal. I am very professional.
Veronica Corningstone : Mr. Burgundy, you are acting like a baby.
Ron Burgundy : I'm not a baby, I am a man. I am an anchorman.
Veronica Corningstone : You are not a man. You are a big fat joke.
Ron Burgundy : I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.
Veronica Corningstone : I will have you know that I have more talent and more intelligence in my little finger than you do in your entire body, sir.
Ron Burgundy : You are a smelly pirate hooker.
Veronica Corningstone : You look like a blueberry.
Ron Burgundy : Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?
Veronica Corningstone : Well, you have bad hair.
Ron Burgundy : [insulted] What did you say?
Veronica Corningstone : I said... your hair... looks stupid.
[an A-bomb mushroom cloud is reflected in Ron's eyes; the knock-down drag-out fight begins]
Veronica Corningstone : Oh Ron, there are literally thousands of other men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you.
Veronica Corningstone : Mr. Burgundy, you have a *massive* erection.
Ron Burgundy : Really?
Ron Burgundy : Yes, I do. Um... I'm sorry, it's... It's the pleats. It's actually an optical illusion, it's the pattern on the pant's that it's not flattering in the crotchal region. I'm actually taking them back right now, taking them back to the... The pants store. Well, this is awkward. I'm gonna walk this situation off and I will see you later.
Ron Burgundy : Nothing to look at! Get back to work everyone! Don't act like you're not impressed!
Veronica Corningstone : [in bear pit] In case we die here today, there's something that you should know. That dirty trick with the Teleprompter. It wasn't...
Ron Burgundy : Sweet Eli Whitney's nose. It wasn't you, was it? It was Wes Mantooth! Oh, I should have known.
Veronica Corningstone : No, no. No, I did it.
Ron Burgundy : [screams] You *bitch*!
[bears wake up]
Ron Burgundy : [Incredulous] You woke up the bears! Why did you do that?
Veronica Corningstone : Jazz flute is for little fairy boys.
Waiter at Tino's : May I take your order?
Ron Burgundy : Yes, I am going to have three fingers of Glenlivet with a little bit of pepper, and, uh, some cheese.
Waiter at Tino's : Very good.
Veronica Corningstone : Uh, I'll take a Manhattan, and kick the vermouth in the side with a pair of steel-toed boots.
Waiter at Tino's : Certainly.
Ron Burgundy : Thank you, Scott.
Ron Burgundy : Wow. Quite a drink order.
Veronica Corningstone : Oh, well, when in Rome.
Ron Burgundy : Yes? Please, go on.
Veronica Corningstone : Uh, do as the Romans do?
[after Ron's blank look]
Veronica Corningstone : It's an old expression.
Ron Burgundy : Oh! I've never heard of it. It's wonderful, though.
Ron Burgundy : Wait, Veronica, please tell me this is some kind of sick tasteless joke.
Veronica Corningstone : You weren't here. Why are you being this way? Why can't you just be proud of me as a peer and my gentleman lover?
Ron Burgundy : I can't believe you *did* this to me! You read my news!
Veronica Corningstone : I told you that I wanted to be an anchor. I told you that.
Ron Burgundy : I thought you were kidding! I thought it was a joke! I even wrote it down in my diary, "Veronica had a very funny joke today!" I laughed at it later that night!
Veronica Corningstone : I can't believe that I cared for you.
Ron Burgundy : Get out! Just go! We are through. Through! Because of your actions, you *scorpion* woman!
Veronica Corningstone : You have broken my heart, Mr. Burgundy. You have broken my heart.
Veronica Corningstone : Mr. Harkin, I just wondering if you knew when my office would be ready.
Ed Harken : Well, that might take some time. For now why don't you just grab a desk in the bullpen?
Ron Burgundy : [shouting in a monotonous voice] YOU CAN USE MY OFFICE AND AFTERWARDS, MAYBE WE CAN GO TO LUNCH.
Ed Harken : Lower your voice, Ron.