Clone High (2002–2003)
Phil Lord: Principal Dr. Cinnamon J. Scudworth, Genghis Khan
Shadowy Figure : Listen, we've all done things we're not proud of after a good cross country meet, but that riot was unacceptable.
Scudworth : Unacceptable? Did you see the pool? They flipped the bitch!
Glenn the Janitor : Hi, I'm Glenn. I'm the school janitor. Ponce was like a son to me, probably because he was my foster son. My dead foster son.
Glenn the Janitor : Son, I just want you to know...
Scudworth : Oh janitor, some kid vomited in the hallway. Could you make with the sawdust and clean it up.
Glenn the Janitor : Ah yeah, but I'm kinda giving my son's eulogy right now.
Scudworth : Doo yeah. If you could just do it now. Your son will still be dead when you get back.
Shadowy Figure : [menacing] I think this is an issue we should talk about... in person.
Scudworth : [excited] Maybe we could have dinner. Perhaps the Olive Garden. It's like eating in the private kitchen of a delightful Italian stereotype!
Scudworth : When life gives you lemons, you clone those lemons and make SUPER lemons.
Scudworth : Once I transplant these brainwave transmitters into the clones brains I will be able to see and hear everything they taste and smell.
[Principal Scudworth is seeking funding for his evil side-project, "Cloney Island"]
Mr. Butlertron : Perhaps you could get Clone High a corporate sponsor. Those Pumas were rather fresh.
Scudworth : Sell out? And turn the school into some profit-hungry corporation? (Beat) Why, that idea's as foolish as getting new brakes from anywhere but Midas.
Gandhi : Oh my God. It's not a kid in a costume, it's a living thing.
Gandhi : Oh my God. He was genetically engineered with a zipper.
Gandhi : Oh my God. Who's driving the van?
John Stamos : You conga everyone in the flash freezer. And I...
John Stamos : I'll pull the switch, freezing them instantly.
Scudworth : But you'll be trapped inside. And I tried to kill you.
Scudworth : Repeatedly.
John Stamos : Yeah, I know. But it turns out I'm just a really nice guy. Helping others is what John Stamos is all about.
Scudworth : I first got the idea for Cloney Island after seeing the movie Jurassic Park 3. But my ill-conceived amusement park will be filled with human clones instead of zoo animals. It's as fool-proof as the amusement park in the movie itself!
Scudworth : In addition to my crippling bunions from last year, I have also been diagnosed with corns. But in this happy season, we all have to be thankful, thankful that the planters warts in my other foot have been removed. Save one, I call him Gary, and he's part of the family now. He'd better buy me a good present!