Out Cold (2001)
Luke: No regrets, that's my motto. That and everybody Wang Chung tonight.
Stumpy: I was there. Yeah, it was called the '80s. Ford was President, Nixon was in the White House and FDR was running this country into the ground. I was bummin' in a hole-in-a-wall town in what is now called Utah. Some fella from Colorado shows up, starts making so called "improvements", right? Before we knew what hit us, the streets are running with latte. It got so bad that a fella that liked to, you know... smoke a little grass or drink a little ripple. Crow like a rooster, maybe challenge the mayor's son to a gentlemen's duel, was "uncouth, against God." More like bad real estate values. Stumpy had to go!
Lance: Hey. Hot sluts with tits.
Rick: Lance, you don't need to do that anymore, remember?
Lance: Oh yeah. Sorry. Old habits die hard. Oh what the hell - I LOVE MEN. Who wants me?
Rick: Well you don't need to do that either...
Jenny: I seriously think it's time for you to move on and stop this broken-heart stuff.
Rick: All right. So... you wanna hook up?
Jenny: You're gonna have to try a lot harder than that, Rick.
Rick: [pause, lower] Soooo... ya still wanna hook up?
Pig Pen: Snownook's not our home, Bull Mountain's our home.
Anthony: Well technically, it belonged to the Eskimos, but we stole it fair and square.
Doorman: Get outta here!
Pig Pen: I'm gonna take Kung-Fu and kick you're friggen ass! We'll have the party at our place... We don't need their fancy-smancy gent and their blue ropes!
[Pig Pen and Anthony run back to the door and grab the blue ropes]
Stumpy: Oh you foolish foolish boys. This is how it all starts. I've seen it all before. I was there. I was there. Yeah! It was called the 80's! Ford was President, Nixon was in the White House, FDR was running this country into the ground. I was bumming in a hole in the wall town in what is now called "Utah". Some fellow from Colorado shows up- starts making all kinds of so called "improvements", right? Before we knew what hit us, the streets were running us with lattes!
Stumpy: Yup!... It got so bad that a fellow that liked to, you know, smoke a little grass or drink a little ripple. Crow like a rooster! Maybe challenge the mayor's son to a gentlemen's duel, is uncouth, "Against God!" and bad for real estate values. STUMPY HAD TO GOOOO! Richard, be careful what you wish for.
Rick: You got it Stump
Stumpy: Be careful what you wish for!
Rick: I will
[slams knife down onto table but into his own hand]
Stumpy: [voice straining] I'm good
Pigpen: [nonchalantly] You better put something on that
Stumpy: [Walks away straining]
Pig Pen: [nervously] Hello Inga. I've never been a man of words, but there's something I have to say to you. Inga, I've loved you from the first time that I saw you, and I love you more than any man's ever loved a woman that he's never actually spoken to. I'm only gonna offer this once. Inga, will you... have sex with me?
Inga: Nothing would piss off my stepfather more. Let's do this!
Luke: This suit is really cramping my Hardy Boys. It's no mystery.
Luke: Well, yeah it dosen't really allow my dice to roll and by dice I mean testicles. Speaking of testicles, let me get a beer.
Rick: You're pretty good with these kids. They seem to like you.
Jenny: Well, I seem to have experience dealing with immature boys.
Rick: Pig Pen, when I want advice about a good Planet of the Apes film or maybe how to get the resin out of my bong I'll come to you ok? But I am not gonna take romantic advice from somebody who cannot spell romantic or advice... or bong.
Luke: [drunk] There you are, I've been looking for you, come inside, you look so beautiful and I wanted to see if you wanted to dance...
[Anna walks up]
Luke: Not you, him and his white tuxedo.
Pigpen: Here's what I don't get, alright, is you met this chick and you got freaky-deaky with her and then poof. She disappears. How's there a problem with that?
Luke: You know I hate what they're doing to the mountain, but this is the best vanilla latte I have ever had. You can actually taste the vanilla beans... I don't like the coffee.
Barry: So, uh, who's the "jaccuzi casanova?"
Stumpy: [pointing at Luke] Yeah, that's him right there
Luke: Thanks Stumpy
Stumpy: They call him that because he had himself up in it, ya know? lovin' it strong.
Stumpy: Hey, Pig Pen, you ever been in one of those lesbian chat rooms?
Pig Pen: No... are they good?
Stumpy: [looking away] Well, I don't know.
Stumpy: It's called the '80s. Ford was president, Nixon was in the White House, and FDR was running this country into the ground.
Luke: Good evening. You all know the rules of King of the Mountain. Rule number one: you do not talk about King of the Mountain. Rule number two: there are no rules.
Anthony: Uh, what about rule number one?
Luke: That's more of a guidline than a rule, do not interrupt!
Eric Montclare: Luke, why don't you shut up before my fist makes an appointment with your ass?
Luke: Eric, do you notice you're always talking about sticking something in my ass, and that time it wasn't even a threat,
Luke: technically, that was *flirting*...
Eric Montclare: Welcome to your first random drug test!
Pigpen: I don't have to write a test to tell you I do drugs...
Stumpy: Did I ever tell you about the time I invented snowboarding? Ya I don't want credit for it but they keep on giving it to me...
Rick: Bull Mountain is our home, and I say we do something about it!
Pig Pen: Yeah! It is our town!
Barry: So you got a plan?
Luke: [pause] I'm in.
Anthony: Me too.
Jenny: Let's do it!
Luke: This uniform is really cramping my Olsen Twins. Lance, Can I get a drink for Mary Kate and Ashley?
Pigpen: [holding Luke's head] Im gonna need a bucket, a paint brush, and ten pounds of salt. Lance, get his pants.
Inga: Where did you get all these scars?
Luke: Well, let's see. Skateboard... Truck accident... Fire hydrant.
Inga: I bet each one has its own exciting story, no?
Luke: No not really. I skateboarded off of a truck into a fire hydrant.
Inga: I was wondering if you can make a kind of drink. It's called... what is the word in English for this...
[rubs her belly-button to signify 'fuzzy navel']
Pig Pen: Lance, if you weren't gay, you'd be a pretty weird guy.
Lance: There are gonna be some hotties, some slammin' bods with pants so tight it looks like they're painted on. Man, I love chicks. And chicks love me, so it's all good.
Stumpy: You know, the Eskimo have nine words for a hell mooch stuck in a hot tube... Hell, they only have 8 words for snow!