Julie Bowen: Carol Vessey
Ed Stevens : The fact of the matter is you can't live without me.
Carol Vessey : What?
Ed Stevens : That's right you could move away to Guam, Borneo, Harrisberg Pennsylvania, god knows where, the truth is you'll be making a beeline right back to Stuckeyville. You know why?
[Carol shakes her head]
Ed Stevens : Capital "E" lower case "d"!
Carol Vessey : My one chance at something vaguely resembling happiness, and you destroyed it.
Ed Stevens : What?
Carol Vessey : You ruined my wedding, and... and you made me lose Dennis.
Ed Stevens : How could I have ruined your wedding? I wasn't even there.
Carol Vessey : Of course you were there. You're always there. Because no matter what I try to do Ed Stevens is always there.
Ed Stevens : I... I don't know... I don't know what you're so upset about.
Carol Vessey : Ed, do you want to know why Dennis walked out of the wedding?
Ed Stevens : Why?
Carol Vessey : I'll tell you why. I'll... I'll tell you why! Because he thought I was looking around the church for you. He thought I was looking for Ed Stevens.
Ed Stevens : Were you?
Carol Vessey : Yeah. Yeah, I was.
Ed Stevens : Why Carol?
Carol Vessey : Because you never stop. It's been this way ever since you came back to Stuckeyville. You didn't even know me. Ed, you did not even know me, and yet you made it your life's work to just, to wear me down. It's like, it's like you crawled into my skull, and you found a nice, comfy little place to rest, and you refuse to leave. No matter what I said, no matter what I did, you just never stopped coming after me. You, you just never stopped!
Ed Stevens : You never wanted me to stop! And you wanted me to stop. It's true Carol. I did all these things. I dressed up as a knight. I sang. I danced. I threw waffles at your bedroom window. I hired a skywriter. I got up on a horse named Crazy Jimmy, and you loved it. You loved it. And you hated it. Because you didn't think you deserved it. And you know what Carol? You were right. What, what are you doing?
Carol Vessey : I don't know. I don't know.
Ed Stevens : Carol, look at me. I'm dying. I gotta get off this ride.
[Ed show up to the prom in a light blue tux with a yellow ruffled shirt underneath]
Carol Vessey : Hello my Powder blue friend.
Carol Vessey : Mr. Calculus Teacher Man is in the hay-ouse!
Carol Vessey : I can never decide if you're totally adorable or totally creepy.
[Ed is talking to Carol's class about being a lawyer]
Carol Vessey : Does anyone have any questions for Mr. Stevens?
[Warren raises his hand]
Carol Vessey : Warren?
Warren Cheswick : Yeah, I was just wondering, umm... when you invite a client over to your office for the first time, and they see that it's, like... in a bowling alley, or whatever... umm... are they ever, like, "Thanks, but I think I'm gonna find a lawyer whose office is *not* in a bowling alley," or...
Ed Stevens : It happens. Sometimes.
[Ed presses Carol to tell him about her boyfriend troubles]
Carol Vessey : Oh, God, this is gonna sound so stupid. All right. Nick and I were having breakfast at my house.
Ed Stevens : Came over for breakfast. Gotcha.
Carol Vessey : No, Ed. He did not come over. He was there. He slept there.
Ed Stevens : Crashed on your couch. Gotcha.
Carol Vessey : No, Ed. He slept with me.
Ed Stevens : You sleep with Nick? Eeeeewwwwwwwwwww!