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Mars Attacks! (1996) Poster

(1996)

Quotes

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Grandma Florence Norris: They blew up Congress! Ha ha ha ha!

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Various Martians: Ack! Ack! Ack!

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President Dale: I want the people to know that they still have 2 out of 3 branches of the government working for them, and that ain't bad.

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Martian Translator Device: All green of skin... 800 centuries ago, their bodily fluids include the birth of half-breeds. For the fundamental truth self-determination of the cosmos, for dark is the suede that mows like a harvest.

General Decker: What the hell does that mean?

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[Watching an alien on TV]

First Lady: [after seeing the Martians for the first time] I'm not allowing that thing in my house.

President Dale: Sweetie, we may have to. The people expect me to meet with them.

First Lady: Well they're not going to eat off the Van Buren china.

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President Dale: Why can't we work out our differences? Why can't we work things out? Little people, why can't we all just get along?

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General Casey: [talking on phone] Hello? This is General Casey. I get to meet the Martian Ambassador! Ain't that great? Oh, it's a hell of an honor. But didn't I always tell you honey, if I just stayed in place and never spoke up, good things are bound to happen. Yeah... Ok

[makes kissing noises and ends the phone call]

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Taffy Dale: Guess it wasn't the dove.

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Martian Translator Device: Don't run! We are your friends!

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Richie Norris: Wow, he just made the international sign of the doughnut.

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Richie Norris: I bet you're psyched about the Martians coming Grandma? I mean, you've seen a lot of crazy stuff already. Everyone must have been real scared when they invented the train!

Grandma Florence Norris: Come on kid I'm not that old!

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Billy Glenn Norris: Bye bye, Grandma.

Grandma Florence Norris: Goodbye, Thomas.

Billy Glenn Norris: It's Billy Glenn, Grandma.

Grandma Florence Norris: I know, Thomas.

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Richie Norris: I want to thank my Grandma for always being so good to me, and, and for helping save the world and everything.

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President Dale: Rest assured that we will soon come out at a very real outcome.

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Nathalie Lake: Jason, hi. It's me.

Jason Stone: Are you wearing a bra?

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Professor Donald Kessler: We know they're extremely advanced technologically, which suggests - very rightfully so - that they're peaceful. An advanced civilization, by definition, is not barbaric.

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Rude Gambler: You wanna conquer the world, you're going to need lawyers, right?

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First Lady: [as the chandelier is falling on her] The Nancy Reagan chandelier!

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Rude Gambler: HEY! You're Tom Jones Right? "It ain't unusual", Hey Tom, Tom! Can I have an autograph? Anyone Got A Pen?

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[Challenging a Martian to a fistfight]

Byron Williams: No weapons! No tricks! Just you and me! Byron Williams! The heavyweight champion of the world!

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President Dale: What do you think, Marcia?

First Lady: Kick the crap out of 'em.

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[Pitching a hotel-casino idea]

Art Land: If the Martians land, the're gonna need a place to stay. Just like everybody else.

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Martian Translator Device: We come in peace! We come in peace!

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Grandma Florence Norris: [as Taffy is giving her the Medal of Honor] Thank you, honey. But don't you dare let anything like this happen again.

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Gen. Decker: Liberals! Intellectuals! Peacemongers! IDIOTS!

Taffy Dale: [Opening the door in the background] Can you keep it down? People live here!

[Closes the door]

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President Dale: General Decker, if you do not shut up I am going to relieve you of your commands

Gen. Decker: We have to strike now, sir! Annihilate! Kill! Kill! Kill!

President Dale: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

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Richie Norris: The Martians just blew up the donut shop!

Richie's Dad: Well, if they come around here, we'll blast them back into space!

Sue Ann Norris: They sure ain't getting the TV!

Richie Norris: Should I go get Grandma?

Richie's Dad: Oh, forget Grandma! She's halfway into space already!

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[last lines]

Richie Norris: Is that OK?

Taffy Dale: Yea. Do you got a girlfriend?

Richie Norris: No.

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Richie Norris: [after watching the Martians kill Congress on TV] Why did they do that?

Hispanic woman at donut shop: Maybe they no liking the human being.

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Grandma Florence Norris: [after a Martian's head explodes] I think it must be my music!

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Art Land: Even in a time of intergalactic crisis, people still want to roll them bones.

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[overhearing the destruction of France via telephone]

President Dale: ...Mon dieu...

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Billy Glenn Norris: Die, you alien shithead!

[prepares to shoot them. But, a martian notices him and he looks at him]

Billy Glenn Norris: Uh-oh.

[drops a gun and holds the flag]

Billy Glenn Norris: I surrender!

[a martian blasts Billy Glenn Norris with a ray gun]

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Billy Glenn Norris: [about to get on the bus to leave for the Army, to his brother] So long, retard.

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Professor Donald Kessler: [as the Martians disintegrate the Congressmen] Mr. Ambassador, please! What are you doing? This doesn't make sense! It's not logical! It's not -

[a Martian knocks out the Professor]

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Barbara Land: Hello, my name is Barbara,

AA Meeting: Hello Barbara,

Barbara Land: I am an alcoholic, but I haven't had a drink in three months!

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Grandma Florence Norris: Richie, I think these guys are very sick.

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Sue Ann Norris: I'll tell you one thing, they ain't gettin' the TV.

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Barbara Land: Know anyone who can fly a plane?

Byron Williams: Yeah, your husband Art.

Barbara Land: No... he's dead. I told him this was gonna happen.

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Jason Stone: [to Jerry Ross] When the Martians land, will the press have access? Can we do interviews?

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Art Land: I'd been thinkin' about Mars when there wasn't no Mars.

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Richie's Dad: Martians. Ha ha. Funny looks little critters, aren't they?

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Rude Gambler: [after running into a martian] Holy shit!

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Barbara Land: Do you have to drink in front of me?

Art Land: You're an adult. Cope.

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Gen. Decker: [In the White House] They don't know what the hell they're talking about. Liberals, intellectuals... peacemongers, IDIOTS!

Taffy Dale: [coming out of her bedroom] Would you please keep it down? People live here.

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General Decker: We should nuke these assholes with everything we got, sir.

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Cedric Williams: What are you guys gawking at? Get that president outta here!

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Art Land: [Repeatedly] Wow!

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Art Land: I'm not a crook, I'm ambitious. There's a difference.

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Byron Williams: Barbara, you alright?

Barbara Land: Huh? I need a drink...

Rude Gambler: You and me both baby!

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Jason Stone: [Reporting in Pahrump where the Martians are landing] The teeming masses have gathered from who knows how many states. Waiting and watching. Why have they come? Curiosity? Or is it something more? Or is it simply to say "I was there. I was there when first man met Martian." Jason Stone, GNN. Pahrump.

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[Louise on the Metro Bus, notices her two sons named Cedric and Neville playing Flesh Eaters at the video game arcade]

Louise Williams: Excuse me, folks. We've got to make an unscheduled STOP!

[She stops the bus at the Video Game Arcade, Cedric and Neville looks at his mother]

Neville Williams: Oh, man! It's mama!

[she gets out of the bus, walking to his two sons, angry]

Louise Williams: What are you doing here, huh? If you ain't gonna come home, why aren't you in class? Huh?

[grabs Cedric]

Cedric Williams: Mama, because class was cancelled!

Louise Williams: Class was NOT cancelled!

Cedric Williams: Yes, it was!

Louise Williams: [to Neville] Will you come here!

Neville Williams: For what?

Louise Williams: Come here, I'm not gonna hurt you now, come here.

Neville Williams: Let go of him.

Louise Williams: [lets go of Cedric] Okay. Now, just come here. Come here.

[Neville comes to her, she resumes to grabs Cedric and Neville, angry]

Louise Williams: Do you think you're smart to cut school, huh? Do you?

Neville Williams: What are you doing?

Louise Williams: Do you? Huh? Huh?

Cedric Williams: No!

Louise Williams: No, mama, because it's dumb! You're gonna flunk and you all go to jail!

Neville Williams: No!

Cedric Williams: Mama, no! We haven't!

Louise Williams: [pushes her two sons into the bus] Get your own place! Get your butt on that place! Get on that bus, boy!

[Cedric and Neville gets on that bus, angry]

Louise Williams: Yeah, I'll be tripping all over you! You get back there and I don't want to hear another word out of you, do you hear me?

[All the people on the bus, cheering]

Cedric Williams: I hate school!

Louise Williams: I heard that!

[Neville and Cedric sitting in the back of the bus. She resumes the bus, leaving]

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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