The First Wives Club (1996) Poster

Bette Midler: Brenda Morelli Cushman



  • [finding empty liquor bottles in trash] 

    Brenda : Let's examine the evidence. Look! all bottles and gallon jugs!

    Elise : I had guests!

    Brenda : Who? Guns N Roses?

  • Brenda : My Morty becomes this big shot on T.V... He was selling electronics, right? On our 20th wedding anniversary it hits midlife crisis major. He starts working out, he, he grows a moustache, he gets an earring. I said, "Morty, Morty, what are you? A pirate? what's next? A parrot?" And all of a sudden I'm a big drag. I'm holding him back because I won't go rollerblading.

  • Elise : You've always been jealous of me, even in college! Because I was blonde and beautiful, and could have any guy I wanted!

    Brenda : Could and did! All the senior class and half the faculty!

    Elise : It was the sixties.

  • Brenda : What's wrong?

    Jilted Lover : It's my lover. She left me for this younger woman that weighs twelve pounds.

    Brenda : That's just like my Morty.

    Jilted Lover : Who?

    Brenda : Morty.

    [Shows Woman her picture] 

    Jilted Lover : She's butch.

  • Elise : I drink because I am a sensitive and highly strung person.

    Brenda : No, that's why your co-stars drink.

  • Brenda : I remember your first talk-y.

    Elise : Oh yeah, what did you ever win? A pie eating contest? "Best digestion?"

  • Brenda : Where's Shelly?

    Morty : In the car.

    Brenda : Glove compartment?

    Morty : Trunk.

  • [about her ex-husband's scantily clad date] 

    Brenda : What's the matter, Morty? Can't you buy her a whole dress?

  • Brenda : When men know women are a certain age...

    Elise : Good bye love.

    Brenda : Hello pop-tarts.

  • Duarto : [upon seeing an "unnaturally" young Elise walk into Cynthia's funeral]  She looks fabulous; do you think she's had work done?

    Brenda : [rancorously]  Honey, she's a quilt!

  • Brenda : Morty! Well, look at you. You look prosperous.

    Morty : Brenda, don't embarrass me.

    Brenda : [Mocking Morty]  Don't embarrass you.

    Morty : Don't make a scene.

    Brenda : Don't make a scene.

    Morty : Do not make a scene.

    Brenda : Don't embarrass you! You've got a *nerve*! I'll tell you what's embarrassing!

    Morty : Keep your voice down.

    Brenda : Being hassled by Mr. Zaworsky... because I'm behind in the rent, *that's* embarrassing. Worrying about how I'm gonna get my kid through college, *that's* embarrassing!

    Morty : You know something? You *never* listen. For twenty years you never ever listened. Here,

    [grabs a yellow blouse] 

    Morty : honey why don't you try this one in a fitting room, looks very nice on you.

    Brenda : You know, I could use this. It's very beautiful and I love the color. But what am I gonna to use for money? HOW AM I GONNA PAY FOR IT?

    Morty : It's the *company* that is expanding. Don't you understand that? The *company*, not *me*! I'm a mere laborer!

    Brenda : You're a liar and a FRAUD!

    Morty : I have no money.

    Brenda : Really? Why don't you look in your purse?

    Morty : Oh you're very funny.

    Shelly : There stunning Morton, I need all of them.

    Brenda : Morton?

    Shelly : [covers her face with a dress]  Oh God, make it go away.

    Brenda : Shelly! Look at you! My my, the bulimia certainly has paid off.

    Morty : Don't start.

    Brenda : What's a matter Morty? Can't you buy her a whole dress?

    Shelly : Brenda, why don't you try these on in

    [holds out her arms] 

    Shelly : *your size*!

    Morty : It's really a delight running into you today Brenda.

  • Brenda : There she is. Princess Pelvis!

  • [Upon seeing a slinky dress] 

    Brenda : Now, I ask you, Duarto, who's supposed to wear that? Some anorexic teenager? Some fetus? It's a conspiracy, I know it is! I've had enough. I'm leading a protest. I'm not buying another article of clothing until these designers come to their senses!

  • Elise : Annie, you choose. Who's your friend? Me or Brenda?

    Brenda : Yeah, for once in your life make a decision? Who's your friend? Some Beverly Hills science project?

    Elise : Or a woman with her own aisle at the supermarket?

  • Annie : What if Elise starts drinking again and then you start sniping away?

    Elise : Been there!

    Brenda : Done that!

  • Annie : Let's synchronize our watches.

    Brenda : Ooo, just like "Mission: Impossible!"

    Elise : Oh, that was a big hit.

  • Elise : [Drunk]  You never even wrote to me!

    Annie : [Meekly]  You were unlisted...

    Elise : And you always talked about me behind my back!

    Brenda : Oh, you deserved it!

  • Brenda : Those lips - what's in 'em? Are they wax?

  • Brenda : I'm saying this, with love compassion and the spirit of true sisterhood... you are full of SHIT!

    Elise : Whhhaaattt?

  • Brenda : So okay, alimony sucks. Okay, you didn't get to play a police woman in a wonder bra. But look at you, you're gorgeous! And thanks to Cher's pioneering efforts you still haven't hit puberty! And once upon a time you *were* a terrific actress! You've even got an Oscar to prove it! You've spent your whole life with people *sucking* up to you! I'm sure Annie will agree with me when I say that *your* perception of life is *somewhat altered*!

  • Brenda : Wake up and smell the audit!

  • Elise : And you didn't even invite me to your son's bar mitzvah!

    Brenda : I didn't think you would come.

    Annie : Yeah, it was in Hebrew!

    Brenda : Oh shutup!

  • Brenda : My, my, the bulimia has certainly paid off.

  • Brenda : Ya know I wonder how drunk Cynthia was when she decided to do a jack knife off Park Avenue.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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