Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) Poster

Sean Young: Lt. Lois Einhorn



  • [Ace sees Lieutenant Einhorn approaching] 

    Ace Ventura : Holy testicle Tuesday.

    Lois Einhorn : What the hell is he doing here?

    Ace Ventura : I came to confess. I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll.

  • Lois Einhorn : Listen, pet dick. How would you like me to make your life a living hell?

    Ace Ventura : Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking. Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number's still 911? All righty then.

  • Lois Einhorn : Ventura, when I get out of that bathroom, you better be gone.

    Ace Ventura : Is it number one or number two? I just want to know how much time I have.

  • Lois Einhorn : What would you know about pressure.

    Ace Ventura : Well, I have kissed a man.

  • Lois Einhorn : [after she finishes wrestling with Ace, to the surrounding police officers]  Shoot him! Shoot him!

    Emilio : [offscreen]  Hold your fire!

    [walks in with Melissa, gun to his head] 

    Emilio : Don't shoot!

    Melissa : Put your guns down or this cop gets it. I mean it!

    [cocks revolver] 

    Emilio : She's not joking!

    Lois Einhorn : [ignoring them]  He kidnapped Snowflake! He killed Roger Podator and was going to kill Dan Marino and meeeeee!

    Ace Ventura : Ho ho ho Hooooooooooooo! Fiction can be fun, but I find the reference section a little more enlightening. For instance, if you were to look up the NFL's "All Time Bonehead Plays," you might read about a Miami Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle, who missed the 26 yard field goal in the closing seconds of Super Bowl XVII.

    [takes deep breath] 

    Ace Ventura : What you wouldn't read about was how Ray Finkle lost his mind was committed to a mental hospital only to escape and join the police force under the assumed identity of a missing hiker manipulating his way to the top in a diabolical scheme to get even with Dan Marino for whom he blamed the entire thing!

    [takes another deep, relief breath] 

    Aguado : What the hell are you talking about?

    Ace Ventura : SHE'S NOT LOIS EINHORN!, She's Ray Finkle, she's a man.

    Lois Einhorn : He's lying. SHOOT HIIIIMMM!

  • Lois Einhorn : We'll find the porpoise.

    Ace Ventura : [to Lt. Einhorn]  Whew... now I feel better. 'Course, that might not do any good you see nobody's missing a porpoise. It's a dolphin that's been taken. The common harbor porpoise has an abrupt snout, pointed teeth and a triangular thoracic fin. While the bottlenose dolphin, or Tursiops truncates, has an elongated beak, round cone shaped teeth and a serrated dorsal appendage. But I'm sure you already knew that. That's what turns me on about 'cha, your attention to detail.

  • Lois Einhorn : Alright, Ventura. Make it quick.

    Ace Ventura : I found a rare stone at the bottom of Snowflake's tank. It belonged to a 1984 AFC Championship ring. It would have been a Super Bowl ring, but Ray Finkle missed the big kick. Blames the whole thing on Marino. We're talking mental institute escapee. I saw the guy's room. Cozy if you're Hannibal Lecter!

  • Lois Einhorn : And somebody get me some coffee!

    Ace Ventura : Tonight on Miami Vice, Crockett gets the boss some coffee.

  • Lois Einhorn : You've done some fine detective work... 'Ace'.

    Ace Ventura : I'm sorry. Could you please speak in to my good ear? I thought I heard you call me Ace.

  • [Lt. Einhorn is pointing a gun at Ace's head] 

    Ace Ventura : [begging]  Please don't kill me. I'll never tell anyone. Kill him, he's the one you want.

    Dan Marino : No, no kill him.

    Ace Ventura : No kill him. He held the ball wrong, remember? Come on, look at the guy.

    [Lt. Einhorne shoots into the air] 

    Dan Marino : Cry-baby.

    Ace Ventura : Jock.

    Dan Marino : Whimp.

    Ace Ventura : Muscle-head.

    Lois Einhorn : SHUT UP.

  • Lois Einhorn : DIE ANIMAL BOY!

    Ace Ventura : Quick Decision

  • Lois Einhorn : [to Emilio]  Who let Dr. Dolittle in?

  • Ace Ventura : You're certain you had to open this door.

    Aguado : Yeah, I'm certain.

    Lois Einhorn : What's the point, Ventura?

    Ace Ventura : Only this.

  • Lois Einhorn : I need some refreshments, Dan. Would you like some refreshments, Dan? I'll be right back, Dan.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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