John Heard: Peter
Cedrick the Bellman : Mr. McCallister's room service bill, sir.
[he hands Buzz the bill]
Cedrick the Bellman : Merry Christmas, sir.
[he hold out his hand for a tip, of which Buzz hands him: Gum]
Cedrick the Bellman : Nice family. Really.
[Buzz looks at the long room service bill worth over $967.00]
Buzz McCallister : [sarcastically] Merry Christmas, indeed. Oh, Daaaad...
Peter McCallister : [yells out] KEVIN! YOU SPENT $967 ON ROOM SERVICE?
Peter McCallister : Hey Kevin, you better go put your tie on. We don't wanna be late for the Christmas pageant.
Kevin McCallister : My tie is in the bathroom and I can't go in because Uncle Frank is taking a shower. He says that if I walked in there and saw him naked, I'd grow up never feeling like a real man.
[Peter and Kate stare]
Kevin McCallister : Whatever that means.
Peter McCallister : [after a pause, chuckles] I'm sure he was kidding. Just, uh, run in there, get your tie, get out, and don't look at... Anything.
Buzz McCallister : Okay, everybody, calm down! Calm down! Hey, hey! All right, now, if Kevin hadn't have screwed up in the first place again... Then we wouldn't be in this most perfect and huge hotel room with a truck load of all this free stuff. So I think it only fair that Kevin get to open up the first present. And then I'll go, and the rest of you, and so on.
[Tosses a package to Kevin]
Buzz McCallister : Merry Christmas, Kevin.
Kevin McCallister : Thanks, Buzz.
Peter McCallister : [the entire family applauds] Merry Christmas, Kevin.
Uncle Frank McCallister : Okaaay, Kevin! All right. Merry Christmas!
Buzz McCallister : Okay enough of this gooey sh... Show of emotion. All right, everyone, let's dig in!
Buzz McCallister : [after making a formal apology to the family; whispers to Kevin] Beat that, you little trout sniffer.
Kevin McCallister : [gets up] I'm not sorry. I did what I did because Buzz humiliated me and since he gets away with everything, I let him have it. And since you're all so STUPID to believe his lies, I don't care if your idiotic Florida trip gets wrecked or not! Who wants to spend Christmas in a tropical climate, anyway?
[turns to leave]
Kate McCallister : Kevin!
Peter McCallister : Kevin, you walk out of here and you sleep on the third floor.
Fuller McCallister : [gleefully] Yeah, with me.
Kevin McCallister : So what else is new?
Uncle Frank McCallister : You better not wreck my trip, you little sour puss, your dad's paying good money for it.
Kevin McCallister : Oh, wouldn't wanna spoil your fun, Mr. Cheap Skate!
Buzz McCallister : What a troubled young man.
Peter McCallister : I don't think that it's a good idea for you to be running all over New York all by yourself.
Kate McCallister : I think that if our son can do it, I can do it.
Peter McCallister : Kate, it...
Kate McCallister : Peter, I'll be fine. The way I'm feeling right now, no mugger or murderer would dare mess with me.
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge : Madam, there are hundreds of parasites out there, armed to the teeth...
[Kate slaps him]
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge : Do bundle up, it's awfully cold outside.
[starts to cry]
Officer Bennett : Has the boy ever run away from home?
Peter McCallister : No.
Officer Bennett : Has he ever been in a situation where's been on his own?
Kate McCallister : [Kate shakes her head. Peter gives her a look] As a matter of fact, this has happened before. It's become sort of a McCallister family travel tradition.
Peter McCallister : Funnily enough, we never lose our luggage.
[They both laugh, and knock on the wooden desk]
Kate McCallister : [Officer Bennett does not laugh] He was left at home, by accident, last year.
Peter McCallister : That's what my wife meant when she said this has become a McCallister family travel tradition.
Brooke McCallister : [passing Kevin's bag back down the line] Kevin's not here.
Jeff McCallister : Kevin's not here.
Megan McCallister : Kevin's not here.
Sondra McCallister : Kevin's not here.
Rod McCallister : Kevin's not here.
Linnie McCallister : Kevin's not here.
Tracy McCallister : Kevin's not here.
Aunt Leslie McCallister : Kevin's not here.
Kate McCallister : Kevin's not here.
Peter McCallister : WHAT?
Kate McCallister : [laughing, then surprised] KEVIN!
Buzz McCallister : [to himself] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...
[Turns to face his family]
Buzz McCallister : I'd like to apologize to my family for any inconvenience I may have caused you.
Kevin McCallister : [to himself, in disbelief] What?
Buzz McCallister : My prank was immature and ill-timed.
Uncle Frank McCallister : [laughing] Immature, but it was still pretty Goddarn hilarious.
Buzz McCallister : I'd also like to apologize to my brother: Kevin, I'm sorry.
Kate McCallister : Oh, Buzz, that was very nice.
[the family claps]
Kate McCallister : Kevin, do you have something to say?
Kevin McCallister : [Looking around at his family, staring at him with judging expressions]
Buzz McCallister : [Softly to Kevin] Beat that, you little trout sniffer.
Kevin McCallister : I'm not sorry. I did what I did because Buzz humiliated me. And since he gets away with everything, I'll let him have it. And since you're all so stupid to believe his lies, I don't care if you're idiotic Florida trip gets wrecked or not. Who wants to spend Christmas in a tropical climate anyway?
[Starts to walk away, angry]
Kate McCallister : Kevin!
Peter McCallister : Kevin, you walk outta here and you'll sleep on the 3rd floor.
Fuller McCallister : [In a bratty manner] Yeah, with me.
[Takes a sip from his Coke can]
Kevin McCallister : [Sarcastically] So, what else is new?
Uncle Frank McCallister : You better not wreck my trip, you little sourpuss. Your Dad's paying good money for it.
Kevin McCallister : Oh, wouldn't want to spoil you're fun, Mr. Cheapskate.
[Leaves the room, leaving the family in shock]
Buzz McCallister : [In a kiss-up tone] What a troubled young man.