Cinematic abortions

by BobJenkinsPhD | created - 02 Jun 2014 | updated - 11 Nov 2017 | Public

Operation Donald Trump: Flagellating Juggernaut from Hell (Now with 20% less lubrication)

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1. 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain (1998)

PG | 93 min | Action, Adventure, Comedy

44 Metascore

Three young boys, Rocky, Colt and Tum Tum together with their neighbor girl, computer whiz Amanda are visiting Mega Mountain amusement park when it is invaded by an army of ninjas led by ... See full summary »

Director: Sean McNamara | Stars: Loni Anderson, Hulk Hogan, Jim Varney, Victor Wong

Votes: 10,446 | Gross: $0.38M

2. Envy (2004)

PG-13 | 99 min | Comedy

31 Metascore

A man becomes increasingly jealous of his friend's newfound success.

Director: Barry Levinson | Stars: Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Rachel Weisz, Amy Poehler

Votes: 29,099 | Gross: $12.18M

3. Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004)

PG | 89 min | Comedy, Family, Music

33 Metascore

A teenage girl is convinced that her home city revolves around her until her family packs up and moves to the suburbs, where she finds herself competing for attention.

Director: Sara Sugarman | Stars: Lindsay Lohan, Megan Fox, Adam Garcia, Glenne Headly

Votes: 26,412 | Gross: $29.33M

4. The Master of Disguise (2002)

PG | 80 min | Adventure, Comedy, Family

12 Metascore

An Italian waiter fights off a criminal mastermind with his inherited powers of disguise.

Director: Perry Andelin Blake | Stars: Dana Carvey, Jennifer Esposito, Harold Gould, James Brolin

Votes: 21,343 | Gross: $40.36M

5. Disaster Movie (2008)

PG-13 | 87 min | Comedy

15 Metascore

Over the course of one evening, an unsuspecting group of twenty-somethings find themselves bombarded by a series of natural disasters and catastrophic events.

Directors: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer | Stars: Carmen Electra, Vanessa Lachey, Nicole Parker, Matt Lanter

Votes: 84,685 | Gross: $14.19M

6. Simon Sez (1999)

PG-13 | 85 min | Action, Comedy

16 Metascore

Basketball superstar Dennis Rodman stars as a hip Interpol agent attempting to defeat the deadly plans of a crazed arms dealer.

Director: Kevin Alyn Elders | Stars: Dennis Rodman, Dane Cook, John Pinette, Ricky Harris

Votes: 6,495 | Gross: $0.29M

7. I Spy (2002)

PG-13 | 97 min | Action, Adventure, Comedy

35 Metascore

A professional athlete has to help a U.S. government agent recover a missing jet.

Director: Betty Thomas | Stars: Eddie Murphy, Owen Wilson, Famke Janssen, Malcolm McDowell

Votes: 47,411 | Gross: $33.56M

8. Flubber (1997)

PG | 93 min | Comedy, Family, Sci-Fi

37 Metascore

An absent-minded professor discovers "flubber," a rubber-like super-bouncy substance.

Director: Les Mayfield | Stars: Robin Williams, Marcia Gay Harden, Christopher McDonald, Ted Levine

Votes: 80,490 | Gross: $92.98M

9. Mr. Magoo (1997)

PG | 87 min | Adventure, Comedy, Family

18 Metascore

The myopic millionaire defeats jewel smugglers in his usual bumbling manner.

Director: Stanley Tong | Stars: Leslie Nielsen, Kelly Lynch, Matt Keeslar, Nick Chinlund

Votes: 13,723 | Gross: $21.38M

10. The Tuxedo (2002)

PG-13 | 98 min | Action, Comedy, Sci-Fi

30 Metascore

A hapless chauffeur must take a comatose Secret Agent's place using his special gadget-laden tuxedo.

Director: Kevin Donovan | Stars: Jackie Chan, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jason Isaacs, Debi Mazar

Votes: 75,498 | Gross: $50.55M

11. Blank Check (1994)

PG | 93 min | Comedy, Crime, Family

42 Metascore

A young boy inadvertently gains possession of a check for $1 million and proceeds to spend it, unaware that the gangsters to whom it belongs are in pursuit.

Director: Rupert Wainwright | Stars: Brian Bonsall, Karen Duffy, James Rebhorn, Jayne Atkinson

Votes: 17,890 | Gross: $30.58M

12. The Fighting Temptations (2003)

PG-13 | 123 min | Comedy, Drama, Music

53 Metascore

A New York advertising executive travels to a small Southern town to collect an inheritance but finds he must create a gospel choir and lead it to success before he can collect.

Director: Jonathan Lynn | Stars: Cuba Gooding Jr., Beyoncé, Mike Epps, Nigel Washington

Votes: 6,543 | Gross: $30.24M

13. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

PG-13 | 150 min | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi

35 Metascore

Sam Witwicky leaves the Autobots behind for a normal life. But when his mind is filled with cryptic symbols, the Decepticons target him and he is dragged back into the Transformers' war.

Director: Michael Bay | Stars: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson

Votes: 372,326 | Gross: $402.11M

14. The Last Airbender (2010)

PG | 103 min | Action, Adventure, Family

20 Metascore

Follows the adventures of Aang, a young successor to a long line of Avatars, who must master all four elements and stop the Fire Nation from enslaving the Water Tribes and the Earth Kingdom.

Director: M. Night Shyamalan | Stars: Noah Ringer, Nicola Peltz, Jackson Rathbone, Dev Patel

Votes: 141,088 | Gross: $131.56M

15. Drive Angry (2011)

R | 104 min | Action, Fantasy, Thriller

44 Metascore

A vengeful father escapes from hell and chases after the men who killed his daughter and kidnapped his granddaughter.

Director: Patrick Lussier | Stars: Nicolas Cage, Amber Heard, William Fichtner, Billy Burke

Votes: 91,686 | Gross: $10.71M

16. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

PG | 104 min | Comedy, Family, Fantasy

46 Metascore

On the outskirts of Whoville lives a green, revenge-seeking Grinch who plans to ruin Christmas for all of the citizens of the town.

Director: Ron Howard | Stars: Jim Carrey, Taylor Momsen, Kelley, Jeffrey Tambor

Votes: 193,457 | Gross: $260.04M

17. Fun with Dick and Jane (2005)

PG-13 | 90 min | Comedy, Crime

47 Metascore

When an affluent couple lose all their money following a series of blunders, they turn to a life of crime to make ends meet.

Director: Dean Parisot | Stars: Jim Carrey, Téa Leoni, Alec Baldwin, Richard Jenkins

Votes: 128,215 | Gross: $110.33M

18. Daddy Day Care (2003)

PG | 92 min | Comedy, Family

39 Metascore

Two men get laid off and have to become stay-at-home dads when they can't find jobs. This inspires them to open their own day-care center.

Director: Steve Carr | Stars: Eddie Murphy, Jeff Garlin, Anjelica Huston, Steve Zahn

Votes: 60,721 | Gross: $104.30M

19. What Women Want (2000)

PG-13 | 127 min | Comedy, Fantasy, Romance

47 Metascore

After an accident, a chauvinistic executive gains the ability to hear what women are really thinking.

Director: Nancy Meyers | Stars: Mel Gibson, Helen Hunt, Marisa Tomei, Alan Alda

Votes: 184,512 | Gross: $182.81M

20. Eagle Eye (2008)

PG-13 | 118 min | Action, Mystery, Thriller

43 Metascore

Jerry and Rachel are two strangers thrown together by a mysterious phone call from a woman they have never met. Threatening their lives and family, she pushes Jerry and Rachel into a series of increasingly dangerous situations, using the technology of everyday life to track and control their every move.

Director: D.J. Caruso | Stars: Shia LaBeouf, Michelle Monaghan, Rosario Dawson, Michael Chiklis

Votes: 170,260 | Gross: $101.11M

21. Little Nicky (2000)

PG-13 | 90 min | Comedy, Fantasy

38 Metascore

After two of the devil's three sons escape Hell to wreak havoc on Earth, the devil must send his third son, the mild-mannered Nicky, to bring them back before it's too late.

Director: Steven Brill | Stars: Adam Sandler, Patricia Arquette, Harvey Keitel, Rhys Ifans

Votes: 93,985 | Gross: $39.46M

22. RV (2006)

PG | 99 min | Adventure, Comedy, Family

33 Metascore

Bob Munro and his dysfunctional family rent an RV for a road trip to the Colorado Rockies, where they ultimately have to contend with a bizarre community of campers.

Director: Barry Sonnenfeld | Stars: Robin Williams, Cheryl Hines, Kristin Chenoweth, JoJo

Votes: 54,173 | Gross: $71.73M

23. Balls of Fury (2007)

PG-13 | 90 min | Comedy, Crime, Sport

38 Metascore

Down-and-out former professional ping-pong phenom, Randy Daytona, is sucked into a maelstrom when FBI Agent Ernie Rodriguez recruits him for a secret mission. Randy is determined to bounce back and win, and to smoke out his father's killer -- arch-fiend Feng.

Director: Robert Ben Garant | Stars: Dan Fogler, Christopher Walken, George Lopez, Maggie Q

Votes: 39,546 | Gross: $32.84M

24. Ninja Assassin (2009)

R | 99 min | Action, Thriller

34 Metascore

A young ninja turns his back on the orphanage that raised him, leading to a confrontation with a fellow ninja from the clan.

Director: James McTeigue | Stars: Rain, Rick Yune, Naomie Harris, Joon Lee

Votes: 65,934 | Gross: $38.11M

25. Wild Wild West (1999)

PG-13 | 106 min | Action, Comedy, Sci-Fi

38 Metascore

The two best special agents in the Wild West must save President Grant from the clutches of a diabolical, wheelchair-bound, steampunk-savvy, Confederate scientist bent on revenge for losing the Civil War.

Director: Barry Sonnenfeld | Stars: Will Smith, Kevin Kline, Kenneth Branagh, Salma Hayek

Votes: 147,628 | Gross: $113.81M

26. Baby's Day Out (1994)

PG | 99 min | Adventure, Comedy, Crime

After three kidnappers lose the baby they have kidnapped, both the cops and kidnappers go looking for the baby.

Director: Patrick Read Johnson | Stars: Lara Flynn Boyle, Joe Mantegna, Joe Pantoliano, Brian Haley

Votes: 42,570 | Gross: $16.67M

27. Hulk (2003)

PG-13 | 138 min | Action, Sci-Fi

54 Metascore

Bruce Banner, a genetics researcher with a tragic past, suffers an accident that causes him to transform into a raging green monster when he gets angry.

Director: Ang Lee | Stars: Eric Bana, Jennifer Connelly, Sam Elliott, Josh Lucas

Votes: 244,217 | Gross: $132.18M

28. Drag Me to Hell (2009)

PG-13 | 99 min | Horror, Thriller

83 Metascore

A loan officer who evicts an old woman from her home finds herself the recipient of a supernatural curse. Desperate, she turns to a seer to try and save her soul, while evil forces work to push her to a breaking point.

Director: Sam Raimi | Stars: Alison Lohman, Justin Long, Ruth Livier, Lorna Raver

Votes: 181,088 | Gross: $42.10M

29. LOL (2012)

PG-13 | 97 min | Comedy, Drama, Romance

As a new year at school begins, Lola's heart is broken by her boyfriend, though soon she's surprised by her best friend, promising musician Kyle, who reveals his feelings for her.

Director: Lisa Azuelos | Stars: Miley Cyrus, Douglas Booth, Ashley Greene, Demi Moore

Votes: 52,389 | Gross: $0.05M

30. White Chicks (2004)

PG-13 | 109 min | Comedy, Crime

41 Metascore

Two disgraced FBI agents go way undercover in an effort to protect hotel heiresses the Wilson Sisters from a kidnapping plot.

Director: Keenen Ivory Wayans | Stars: Marlon Wayans, Shawn Wayans, Busy Philipps, Maitland Ward

Votes: 123,054 | Gross: $70.83M

31. In the Mix (2005)

PG-13 | 95 min | Comedy, Crime, Drama

31 Metascore

A successful DJ manages to rescue a powerful mobster one night. In order to repay him, the mobster gives him the task of protecting his daughter.

Director: Ron Underwood | Stars: Usher Raymond, Chazz Palminteri, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Robert Costanzo

Votes: 7,849 | Gross: $10.11M

32. Chairman of the Board (1998)

PG-13 | 95 min | Comedy

A surfer becomes the head of a major company.

Director: Alex Zamm | Stars: Scott 'Carrot Top' Thompson, Courtney Thorne-Smith, Larry Miller, Raquel Welch

Votes: 5,654



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